The Herd Silences Doubters With Rout

LOS ANGELES – Just when it seemed like the Thundering Herd had started to lose it’s grip atop the mountain of Trojan Football support groups, along came something last Saturday at the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum that answered just about every perceived weakness on the list:

- Too many unimpressive tailgates? Check. The Herd beat down 120 bratwurst sandwiches en route to their most lopsided tailgate of the season. Leftovers didn’t stand a chance.

- Not enough dedicated Herders? Check. The Herd used their alarm clocks and the cover of darkness for a second consecutive week of pre-dawn debauchery.

"It was a terrific day for us," said head coach Pete Carroll, whose team had lost seven first-place votes in the Associated Press poll since the start of the season in August. "Everything we wanted to get done today we got done. It was important for us to show that we could come back and be ourselves."

“It was a glorious day for the Herd too,” stated Herder Cardinal Blood while shyly staring down and shuffling his feet. Blood added that he had to admit he was looking forward this week’s 3:30 kickoff with the University of Washington, “the light in my closet is much better at 8:00 than it is at 3:30 am.”

No. 1 USC (6-0) showed it could be its usual dominating self defensively and offensively despite the broken leg that last week sidelined receiver Steve Smith. Freshman Dwayne Jarrett, who entered the game with just 17 career catches, answered that call early, getting all three of his scores before halftime, when USC led 42-7 in front of a Coliseum crowd of 90,211.

Like Jarrett, rookie Herd tailgater Troymex65 had an equally impressive day, downing all four of his brats and at least as many macadamia nut and white chocolate chip cookies before he entered the Old Gray Lady (at least we think he did, although it might be as much satire). Herd veterans acknowledged that Troymex has shown early signs of becoming an urban tailgating legend before ending his days at the tailgating grounds on the corner of 39th and Menlo. Many feel that he is ahead of the pace established by the legendary Heinrich Schlieman, who left the Herd early after learning that it actually costs money to put on large tailgates.

Asked what the Trojans did differently this week, Matt Leinart explained that the team’s plan was to "get back to the basics" with a quick passing game and lots of slant and fade routes from his receivers.

"We stuck with our bread and butter," Leinart said.

Posed the same question, Grillmeister of the Herd, Errol replied “we wanted to get back to basics too, so we went to our bread and bratwurst, it’s something we do well and we’ve been very successful with it in the past.”

When asked to reflect on the outcome of the game (and what was ultimately to become a beat down of severe proportions) "I didn't expect this," said ASU’s Andrew Walter, whose team had started the season 5-0 for the first time since 1996. "I really don't have any answers." A similarly stunned ASU fan, bacon-wrapped hot dog firmly planted in each hand, was heard muttering as he walked down Menlo after the game, “this is supposed to be the Mausoleum, Trojies don’t make noise.”

No noise indeed little fella, now run along.

Next up are the Leg Humpers from the U of W, when the Herd Tailgaters will don a more sophisticated appearance as they will be seen dining on finely prepared beef and chicken kebabs on a bed of fluffy jasmine rice, accompanied by a fresh Caesar salad and a decadent desert. It could be a beat down of epic proportions, during which one might want to cover the children’s eyes.